Finally an Update... Two Years Later

So two years ago, I updated my blog and fell off the face of the earth. I *think* I promised I would start posting more often...yeah that didn't go super well. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. I apologize to you all and this time I promise I'll try not to let this turn into yet another failed attempt at starting this blog... again. 

Let me catch you all up. I think I had left you just before Rosie's first birthday. My husband and I went through a rough time trying to conceive baby number two. I think that contributed to a lot of why I felt the need to check out and stop trying to maintain my blog. We dealt with 6 months of infertility and one miscarriage ( which I'll cover at a later date). Finally at the end of summer 2015 we conceived, and on May 4th 2016 we welcomed Lawrence Gabriel Brason into the world. He is now my chunky, happy, goofy, thriving almost 10 month old. Rosie is a little over 2.5 years old. She is - well how to describe Rosie - she is the smartest, most dramatic kid I know. Guys, she is so quick, and so funny but also so particular.  My husband and I have truly been blessed and our life feels very full - read busy. 

I'm totally biased but these kids are so cute!!!

We still live in the same 3 bedroom townhouse, which is getting quite full of kids stuff ( I think I'm supposed to say full of love but ugh... false positivism is just not me).  Boots is still around, and is still her same old crabby self. My husband is still self employed and I'm still a stay-at-home-mom. I feel like things are so different, and yet they are very much the same. Regardless, it's clear to me that I have grown quite a bit in the last 2 years. I don't know if it was losing a child or becoming a mom of two but I feel different, maybe wiser? I've learned not to worry so much about my kids, they will hit all the milestones regardless of if I fuss about it or not.  I feel so much more confident with myself as a wife and mother. I was skimming through my older posts and it just hit me how much I was seeking approval from the world. I just kind of own my choices now and although I don't like it, I accept that not everyone will approve of everything I do. 

I'm really hoping I can share some of this wisdom with you all. Not that I'm an expert but I think that I could bring some perspective to some of the fellow recovering people-pleasers out there. That's my hope for the posts that will *hopefully* follow. 

The kids will be out of the bath soon and my "me" time will soon have run out. I think I'll sign off now before I end up with one kid on my boob and another trying to touch the keyboard. (Do you all see why I've been M.I.A. for two years?) But here's to hoping I don't end up a big liar again and I actually update you all soon. 

Confessions of a New Stay-at-Home Mom

Rosie and I on Pentecost Sunday.

Up until about a month ago, I had always flirted with the idea of going back to work. I liked having the option to one day decide to go back to my previous life where I got dressed up every day, went to earn my own money and have adult conversations. Although the position I had was not in my field, I truly enjoyed my job as an administrative assistant and I worked for a great company. My employers were really good to me and I felt appreciated for my work.

Then Rosie was born and I found myself working for this tiny dictator who never seemed content with  what I was doing, was constantly yelling at me ( crying), would use sleep deprivation as a torture technique and NEVER seemed to appreciate what I was doing, albeit notice my existence. It was an immensely tough transition. I went from talking on the phone to dozens of customers and many coworkers, to being by myself all day, every day. I think I could have coped with the loneliness but on top of it, I had to spend my entire day dying to myself in order to take care of this tiny human being who needed me all the time for everything. By the time my husband would get home from work, I would be starved for conversation but I also needed to be alone. So I’d hand the baby off to my husband for some "me" time (which usually included some kind of household chore…fun) and by the time I was ready to talk, Dane would have fallen asleep on the couch. Had it not been for my mom coming to see me and being there to aunswer my phone calls, I think I might have lost my mind.

The first 3 months of parenthood were so tough and while covered in baby vomit with a newborn attached to my boob, I would find myself imagining I was getting ready to go to work and talking to coworkers over a cup of coffee. I even daydreamed about organizing the office files exactly the way I wanted them. I quickly learned that although I had previously dreamed of staying at home with my baby, it was not exactly what I had imagined it to be. How so you may ask? Well in my stay at home fantasy I always had time to get ready. In fact I was wearing a 50’s housewife styled dress with a matching hair-do and heels. My house was spotless and my baby napped on demand. I was involved in many social endeavors including volunteer groups, mom and baby workout classes, mom and baby drop in’s and the likes. I was very organized and would cheerfully do groceries with a baby who never fussed so I could prepare delicious homemade suppers for my husband that would be ready the moment he set foot in the door. Speaking of my husband, he would be well taken care of and our relationship would just magically grow in love and commitment to each other. I could go on but I think you get where I’m going with this.

Instead I was left with old over-sized ripped t-shirts and sweatpants. A 3 day old unwashed ponytail with hopefully a shower in the last 48 hours but sometimes, sadly, it could go longer. My house was a DISASTER with piles of dirty laundry stacked everywhere. My baby never slept and if she did, it was on me after endless hours of nursing. I barely had time to eat never mind volunteer my time and going to play groups was made impossible by my A) lack of a vehicle and B) the effort of bringing a newborn into public was just too much work.  My suppers were mostly  out of a box and would not be cooked until Dane came home from work and could hold the baby which meant we were eating very late at night. By which time we would be too tired to talk and also I was just like “Eh get away from me and don’t touch me”.

It was in those first months that the idea of going back to work really appealed to me. But time went on and by some miracle I started to “get it”. My stay at home fantasy started to kind of come together (minus the heels) and the idea of going back to work became less and less appealing. Dane and I both grew up with our mom’s at home. It was something that meant a lot to the both of us and we had agreed that if the opportunity came we would take it. As time went on and my maternity leave began coming to end, we knew it was time to make a decision. Actually there was really no decision other than the fact that we knew money was going to be tight. We are by no means well off financially. I mean we’re not destitute but it’s not like I’m buying steak every week. We have one vehicle which we bought used, we rent our house, I meal plan and price match to cut on groceries. We rarely eat out. We shop at second hand stores, we don’t have cable. We make sacrifices.  But even with all the planning and the fact that I knew it was coming, the day I told my employer I was not coming back was very difficult. I felt like I was closing up a chapter of my life. 

For a few weeks after the decision I also thought of maybe going back to work but doing something else. Like a part time waitressing job, or a work from home position or maybe even my own business. I was hesitant to really say : I am going to stay home with my daughter, that is  my life now. Then one day, for no reason whatsoever, but possibly because we had been praying for guidance, I saw my life as it should be. I knew I needed to stay home, not just for Rosie but for my husband and myself. This is where God needs me to be right now. It may mean that sometimes Dane works during the weekends and it may mean that we don’t go on fancy trips never mind take vacations but this is the cross God is asking us to bear right now. Sure I get lonely sometimes and my life does get quite repetitive. But it’s amidst the loneliness and the repetition that I encounter God – in those every day moments. He reveals Himself to me in a sweet smile from my daughter or her cute little laugh, through a funny moment shared with my husband and from kisses sneaked in while the baby is playing. This is how God has chosen to lead me to sainthood. It’s not glamorous or exciting but at the end of the day after I close my eyes, I rest in the the knowledge that I have accomplished His plan for my life and isn’t that what we all are trying to achieve? 

New Year, New Me...New Blog Post Finally

Ok, so I admit it. I got wrapped up in mom world and haven't bothered to update this blog in a LONG time. I would think about it every once in a while but turning on the computer and trying to have a thought that didn't revolve around how to make my own baby food or when I should do the next diaper change seemed so daunting. But now that we have started a new year, I thought why not? Now I'm not going to promise a blog post a day, I can't even promise a blog post a week, but I am going to try to get on here more regularly. 

Before I get back  to my regular posts, here's what you missed in the last few months. Rosalie got baptized on September 28th and is now a member (rather reluctantly considering she cried the entire ceremony) of God's family. She looked cute in her dress but we had to schedule her "photo shoot" a few days later since it was unseasonably hot that day and she was itchy. For those of you wondering why she is dressed in pink during the actual baptism, we were encouraged by the deacon who baptized her to wait until after the sacrament to dress her in white. At first Dane and I were like forget about it -that's dumb, but then we started thinking about the significance of baptism and what a great teaching tool this would be later when we show her pictures. So we ended up choosing two different outfits for her baptism day.

Jesus was standing right behind us. 

Rosie is freaking out at this point... notice the look of pain  on Dane's face.

Same dress, different day, better mood.

In October, we took a trip to Sault Ste Marie to visit Dane's family. Rosalie charmed (and subsequently was spoiled by) her great grandparents and great aunts. She also endured the 10 hour car ride like a champ with only one major meltdown on the way there and a 2 hour long meltdown on the way back. To be fair to her, we discovered that she was sitting on her pacifier for those 2 hours...ooops - you live and learn. 

Rosie riding a mini horse at her great grandparents.

For Halloween Rosalie was disguised as both an owl and a duck, and we celebrated All Saints Day by dressing her up like Mother Teresa. Pictures are below, but I'm warning you it's cuteness overload. 

In November, I went to go see a naturopath because I hadn't felt normal since before I got pregnant and the doctor's only answer for me was birth control. I also decided to start getting healthy and losing the weight I gained during my pregnancy. I felt an urgency to do so since I don't know when I'll get pregnant again and I want to make sure I'm healthy enough to take care of Rosie and a new baby. The naturopath advised me to take a homeopathic remedy, a magnesium supplement and to continue exercising and eating right. Since making those changes I've felt great and lost 22 lbs. I'm 3 lbs away from my pre- pregnancy weight, my energy levels have shot up and I'm hoping to lose another 23 lbs before getting pregnant again. I just keep praying that God holds off on another blessing until then, but even if he doesn't I think that continuing eating right and exercising throughout the next pregnancy will make my life a lot easier. 

At the beginning of December our cat Boots started peeing blood so we had to take her into the veterinary. She was prescribed antibiotics which seemed to work, but then a week and a half later she started throwing up everywhere (and I mean everywhere - there are still stains on my carpets attesting to that). She couldn't hold down food or water for longer than 15 minutes. We brought her to an emergency veterinary who gave her anti nausea medication and told us she was having a bad reaction to her antibiotics. Fast forward 12 hours and the cat is getting worse and worse. She was just dry heaving and throwing up bile to the point where I'm thinking this is it for her. I called Dane and we decided to take her into the the veterinary again because even though we don't have any more money to spend on her, we have a responsibility to make sure she doesn't suffer. I thought for sure that I was not going to walk out of there with her. Dane couldn't come with me because he was working, so picture this sad lady with a baby strapped to her in a carrier, dressed in full winter gear with a cat carrier in one hand and a diaper bag in the other - yeah I looked crazy.  After some testing, we found out that Boots had an intestinal infection which was treatable for under $350. After spending a total of $800 of money we didn't have, a week of 2 different antibiotics and multiple battle wounds ( my hands are still all scratched up from trying to shove medication in her mouth) I'm happy to report that Boots is back to her normal, ungrateful, grumpy self. It was a tough experience, but I'm happy that I left the situation in God's hands. I felt guilty for praying for a cat since there are PEOPLE out there who are suffering, so I just prayed that Boots would stop suffering, regardless of how that suffering would stop. It was difficult for me to give up control of a situation, but I instantly felt peace and I know that it's a lesson for me. 

Rosalie's first Christmas was great despite the strain Boots' illness put on our budget. Dane's brother and his wife came from Winnipeg to spend the holidays. They are expecting a baby in May so Rosie got to meet her uncle and aunt for the first time and indirectly met her cousin. We spent Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with Dane's family. Next year we will switch days and spend the eve with Dane's family and the day with my family. This actually works out since I've spoken about it with my sisters and we will try to spend odd year Christmases with my parents and even year Christmases with Dane's family. Dane's brother is doing the odd year Christmases with his wife's family so we will be with them when they are here and with my sisters when they are here. Mind you my sisters will have to move out of my parents house for us to be able to actually miss them and want to spend time with them. (I'm just kidding... well a little bit) 

I think this is the second family picture of us ever taken. 

Super cute Christmas pajamas.

Full effect of Christmas outfit

We celebrated the full 12 days of Christmas this year by leaving our decorations up and continuing my binge -watching of corny made for television Christmas movies. On Epiphany I made a Galette des Rois for the first time and hid an almond in it. I know traditionally it's a dried bean, but that's a chocking hazard so I opted for an almond instead. Dane found it and was king for the day (he found it around 9 pm so his reign was very short lived). 

New Years Eve and Day was great. After a week of grandparents and parents, and uncles and aunts and sisters and brother, we spent time just Rosalie, Dane and I. On New Year's Eve we went to mass, we watched a movie and ate yummy, unhealthy snacks and then on New Years Day I made one appetizer every hour and we just grazed and watched Netflix in our pajamas ALL DAY LONG. It was amazing! I am hoping that this will be a tradition that we can continue until the kids all have they're respective New Years Eve parties to go to (once they are of legal drinking age of course) and spend the next day too hungover to eat appetizers (good - more for Dane and I). My resolution for this year was to have no resolution since I never keep them and always feel guilty that I did not keep them. So far, it's going very well. 

Yes, she made it to midnight, we were in bed shortly after.

Finally, in more Rosalie news, she got her 6 month vaccine booster today ( this is one that is approved by the Church  - I checked when I got home and researched it)  and barely cried. It's crazy to think that she's already 6 months. She's eating solids now (banana, avocado, pears and zucchini so far), she's rolling over, she's sitting up with just a little bit of assistance and she's babbling more every day. She loves attention and is a little social butterfly. When strangers take the time to come talk to her, you can guarantee she will smile at them and put on her little show. ( Sometimes, she even tries to get people to notice her by shrieking loudly and waving her arms. It's hilarious now, not sure what it will be like later on.) At night, when I'm lying with her and watching her sleep (yes she's still in my bed and I LOVE IT) I still can't believe that Dane and I played a part in creating this little person. 

Now that you're all caught up,  I need to relieve Dane of his Rosie duties, but I'll try to post again soon. 

By the way, if you want to hear me talk about a Christmas baking fail check out the new episode of The Catholics Next Door at the link below. 

TCND #068 Obligation or Opportunity?

My voicemail is about 6 minutes in but I suggest listening for a little while longer to hear a hilarious story about dog poop and a toothbrush. 

7 Quick Takes – Where We Talk Baby, Doctor Who, The King’s Daughter and Beef

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Bumbo baby

Rosie is finally holding her head up well enough to use her Bumbo! Depending on the kind of mood she’s in, I can usually get a good 20 minutes of non-holding baby time! I’m a little bit of a Bumbo rule breaker though and have put the seat on the kitchen counter BUT I swear she was being supervised the entire time. Rosie loves being up high and watching me cook or clean or whatever. The cat however is not happy because the counter is usually her domain (don’t worry I Lysol the counters a few times a day) so she spent a good portion of the day sulking. I can’t wait for those two to become best friends and keep each other entertained.



Rosie watching me eat yogurt this morning. Her expression is like "Woah, that's not breastmilk! How could you eat that?"

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My crush on the Doctor

I started watching Doctor Who on Netflix a few weeks ago. I figured it would keep me from getting bored during the day when I’m alone with the baby. I liked the ninth Doctor and was disappointed that he regenerated at the end of the first season but that was until I got to know the tenth Doctor. What followed was a growing crush on a fictional character that resulted in me binge-watching 3 seasons of the show. I was sort of obsessed thinking I could sometimes hear the TARDIS appearing while on walks with Rosie. Unfortunately, this Doctor also had to regenerate and I’m now trying to get used to this new Doctor who just seems really geeky. I’d gotten about 20 minutes into the first episode of season 5 before I realized that I needed a break to mourn the death of my favorite Doctor. I haven’t quite healed yet, but I think I will start watching the show again soon.



Dane should dress like this for our next date night.

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I got 99 problems and the beef is number one

I finally got around to making my freezer to crockpot stews I’d been planning on doing since before Rosie was born. Oh well, better late than never. I decided it was time since large bags of potatoes, carrots and stewing beef were on sale this week. Unfortunately, they were sold out of the stewing beef when we went grocery shopping this weekend, so I purchased the root vegetables and planned to go back this week. But since I have terrible luck, the store was still sold out of the beef when I went early yesterday morning. I had to pay $1.50 per pound more for the beef from another store which made the stews so much more expensive than I planned. I’m happy that I have the stews; I just wish the beef had been available.

*Reading this over just now, I realize how insignificant my problems really are. You know life is going well when your biggest worry is the price of freezer to crockpot stews. Or is it that your life is really boring? Who knows! Either ways I apologize for blogging about the price of beef.*

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Baby talk

In other Rosie news, she has really started cooing lots lately. It’s hilarious to watch her because you can tell that she’s really trying to communicate with you. We were at my parent’s last night, and my mom stood Rosie up on her lap (yes, I said stood, she likes to be upright and on her feet) which made her start to oooh, and aahhh about everything around her (Rosie, not my mom – if my mom was doing that there would have to be wine involved). It’s amazing to watch her discovering the world around her. I really hope God blesses us with more children and we get to see babies discovering the world over and over again.

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Talking babies

Speaking of other babies, if I got pregnant today, the baby would be due in June. That means Rosie would be 1 year old or just shy of 1. I think I’d be ok with that which is kind of a relief. Any sooner than that and I would lose my mind. I don’t think I’m going to get pregnant since I’m exclusively breastfeeding and all, but since we are not using birth control it’s something we always need to be aware of.  Unless we decided to abstain for the next year, and even though I tried to sell the idea to my husband, I don’t think that is going to happen. It’s a scary thought however, and so when we said grace before dinner I prayed “…and please don’t let me get pregnant…”, to which Dane had to add “…but let your will be done…”.  I’m happy my husband reminds me to stop trying to be a control freak and to trust God, but I guess that’s what marriage is all about, helping each other get closer to God.

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My FBE ( Favorite Book Ever)

This is definitely a MUST READ!

Since I haven’t had the time to go to the library, I re-read my favorite book “Jeanne, Fille du Roy”, by Suzanne Martel. The book is originally written in French but I think it was translated into English under the name “The King’s Daughter”. I first read the novel when I was 9 after my mom recommended it. I had a hard time reading the end, and I remember my mom reading me the last chapters as I cried.  Over the years, I’ve picked up this book over and over again, and I’m just as impressed with the story every time I read it. Without giving anything away the story is set in the seventeenth century and, the main character, Jeanne Chatel, is an orphan raised in a convent who goes to New France as one of the King’s Daughters. There she marries Simon de Rouville , a hunter and builder, who is in need of a wife to raise his two young children after the murder of his late wife by the Iroquois. The story goes on to tell of the young woman’s many adventures in the woods of New France, as well as the blossoming relationship between her and Simon.  Jeanne is gutsy, witty and resourceful making her a great role model for young girls. There is also a catholic influence in the book, with cameos from Saint Marguerite de Bourgeoys and Saint Marie de l’Incarnation.  One of my favorite lines from the book is when Jeanne describes a childhood crush as “beautiful like the statue of Saint Michael” which makes me think they did not have a large frame of reference for handsome men.

You can purchase the book in French here and the English version here.

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Define: baptism

Rosie is getting baptized on September 28^th at the same church Dane and I were married in.  Although the ceremony is being done in French, I figure language is a human thing not a God thing, and Rosie will be baptized regardless of what language the baptism is done in. We are starting our baptism classes on Monday and we are meeting the priest briefly after mass on Sunday.  I’ve been trying to think about baptism and what it means to be baptized. I don’t want to go into it blindly, and I want to understand so I can truly appreciate the significance of it for my daughter. If you have an explanation, please feel free to send it to me!

Find more 7 Quick Takes at Conversion Diary

7 Sleep Tips for the Tired New Mommy

I know everyone says “sleep when the baby sleeps” but if you have other kids or you are a neat freak or you simply aren’t a great napper that is not always possible.  Now I’m not a sleep expert and I haven’t gone through the teething phase, but this is what helped us when Rosie decided that 3 AM was playtime/morning.

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Co-sleeping

Co-sleeping with teeny tiny newborn Rosie

We’ve co-slept since day one. The expert say it’s not safe, I say it’s the only way I get to sleep at all especially since Rosie is still waking 4 times a night to feed.  In order to ease my mind, I did a bunch of research about safe co- sleeping and this is what I found. First, you get one pillow which is tucked in under your arm and as for blankets never have them higher than the baby’s belly button. Second, tie up your hair, wear long sleeves if it’s cold and make sure there are no strings or loose fabrics on your sleepwear. Third, sleep on your side with one arm tucked under the pillow and the other loose over the blanket (to keep it from moving). Tuck in your knees and your baby should sleep on his/her back in the space between your lower arm and knees (like a baby nest). Fourth, the baby should always sleep with the mother and never between the parents.  Fifth, sleep with the baby as far from possible from the side of the bed, and once they get squirmy get a bed rail (cost about $40.00).  Fifth, dress the baby according to the weather and account for the extra heat coming from your own body. Sixth, never co-sleep if you smoke, are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, are obese, are extremely tired or if you bottle feed your baby. Finally, when the baby wakes to nurse, don’t get out of bed (I was an idiot and doing this for the two first weeks), and instead nurse lying down by pulling down or opening your top (made easier by wearing a sports bra). That way you get to go back to sleep and the baby will eventually fall asleep while nursing (usually).

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Get into a routine

Most people need a bedtime routine to signal that it’s time to sleep and babies are no different. When Rosie was first born, there was no routine and we had a very difficult time getting her to sleep. Now, we start around 8:30 – 9 PM getting her ready for bed.  If people are over past that time or if we are still out, it seems to mess her up and we spend the night trying to calm her down because she is over tired. We begin by darkening the room and Daddy changes her diaper and puts her in a sleeper. Then I nurse her a bit and once she’s full Daddy takes her and they both fall asleep. I get ready for bed and once I’m ready we bring her to bed, nurse her while she’s still drowsy and usually she will fall asleep shortly after her feed.  Develop a routine that works for you and stick to it.

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If you don’t need to get up … don’t

For a little while I was still trying to get up early even if Rosie was still sleeping. Then one day I realized that if I didn’t need to get up what was the point of waking up at a specific time? Clearly we both need the extra sleep and so now I sleep until she wakes up in the morning. If you have other kids, maybe Daddy can handle the morning routine or you can slip back into bed as soon as the other kiddos have been dealt with (television anyone?).  Most importantly, don’t feel guilty about staying in bed.  After all, you are up multiple times a night.

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Be boring

Rosie spent a week deciding that 3 AM was morning. She would want to play between 3 and 4 AM and then cry from 4 to 6 AM. It was awful. At first I used to get up and play with her, then rock and bounce her while she cried. That got old very fast and so I decided to try and stay in bed the next night.  Like clockwork she woke up at 3 AM but since I refused to play with her, get up and turn on lights, she only stayed up for 2 hours. Then the next night I stayed in bed again and was very brief and boring when talking to her. That night she only stayed up an hour and a half.  Soon enough she understood that night was for sleeping and now she usually sleeps through the night with about 4 brief wakes up to feed.

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Go to bed later

I look serene but really I'm thinking "Sleep! Dear God, please sleep!"

If you know that your baby only sleeps for 6 hours at night, don’t go to bed at 10 PM because you will wake up at 4 AM. I find it much easier to stay up later than to get up at a crazy hour. Decide what time you will want to wake up and then got to bed at the appropriate time. For example Rosie usually sleeps 8 hours so I go to bed at midnight and we will wake up around 8 AM. Honestly, I must say that I’m actually enjoying my late nights Netflix watching.

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Things will change

Realize that eventually your baby will sleep. This is just a phase and it will not last forever. How many people do you know that don’t sleep at night? Very few and even if your child is a night owl, they will get more manageable and distractible.  This thought helped me get through many sleepless nights.

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Pray

Some nights (or strings of nights) are just so awful that all you can do is pray. Even if it’s just “Lord give me strength”, prayer has gotten me through the worst sleep-deprived moments. As soon as I pray, I instantly feel able to get through the rest of the night (even when Rosie is screaming her head off). So arm yourself with a rosary and hang in there Mama.

Get more 7 Quick Takes at Conversion Diary by clicking HERE



We’re Not Trying to Get Pregnant But…

When I told my doctor that we weren’t planning on using any birth control she almost passed out.  She just didn’t get that it wasn’t just artificial birth control that we didn’t want to use, it was all forms of birth control including condoms and the “pull out” method. I think her reaction is pretty typical since most people keep telling us that breastfeeding doesn’t always prevent pregnancies. But why should we be trying to avoid a pregnancy? Yes, we have a 2 month old. No, we aren’t trying to get pregnant but if it were to happen we would be happy – scared but happy.

Before my mom starts freaking out, I’m not going Duggar here and actively trying to get pregnant. Lord knows I’m having a hard enough time taking care of one baby, I can’t imagine trying to take care of two right now.  However, if God blesses us with another child even if it is sooner than I expected, I’m not going to complain. After Rosie was born, the hubby and I decided that we didn’t want to stand in God’s way if he wanted us to conceive again. Whether that happens next week, in a year or in 5 years is not up to us.

I know that seems crazy especially since I’ve been guilty of judging other women for getting pregnant so soon after having a baby. I realize now how wrong that was since pregnancy is not a sign of being irresponsible, it’s a sign of God’s love, a miracle.  Being told we were going to miscarry Rosie and seeing her heartbeat at 6 weeks made me realize that. 

Now I’m not bashing natural family planning, but I think that right now if Dane and I were to use it, it would be used with a “contraceptive mentality”.  For those of you who are wondering what I mean by that, I’m talking about the mentality that views children as a burden.  The mentality that tells you to wait until you are financially ready to conceive, the mentality that says you should enjoy being  newlyweds before getting pregnant and the mentality that dictates that women should wait a reasonable amount of time before conceiving again.  If we had listened to that mentality, Rosie would not be here.  

My husband and I are both big believers that God would never give us something we could not handle. When we first got pregnant with Rosie, we had no idea how we would manage financially. But in the following months, Dane started his own company and was able to increase his salary, making up for the extra expenses and the drop in my income.  I have no doubt that God will make sure we can provide for the next child regardless of when we conceive again.

So if I find out I’m pregnant again in the coming months will I cry? Oh yes and worry and doubt. But I will also rejoice and welcome this new life into our family. Because honestly, who wouldn’t want another one of these?

Finally sleeping after a two hour fight to get her down for a nap.

Morning Offering? ... More Like Morning Shortcoming

This morning, I woke up and somehow remembered to say my morning offering. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this prayer, it goes more or less like this:

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer thee all my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day, for all the intentions of thy Sacred Heart in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in reparation for my sins, and for all the intentions of the Holy Father.  Amen

Yesterday, Kendra at Catholic All Year created some awesome prints of this prayer and I promptly put one up in my cubicle thinking I was once again doing a stand-up job at promoting my catholic faith in the workplace.  

That lasted about half an hour before I started realizing how terrible I am at living my day for Christ. Because the truth is, I’m often forgetful of the fact that Christ is ALWAYS with me. (I’d like to think He only shows up for the good moments, like when I stay for adoration after mass.) Today, He was with me when I text –argued with my husband over the price of a stroller, He was there when I was ungrateful for my job, He was there when I was annoyed by my co-worker and He was there when I thought mean things about a customer while on the phone.

The sad thing is all of that happened before 12 PM and I literally can’t think of one nice thing I did today to glorify Christ. When you get wrapped up in your day to day, it’s easy to forget about Him. But He never leaves you even when you are being the world’s biggest grump and feeling sorry about yourself because you’re 7 months pregnant and wishing you could wear pyjamas to work.  

The morning offering has a way of reminding me that this day does not belong to me and so I should make an extra effort to live it like Jesus was physically standing next to me, possibly whispering encouraging words in my ear. He knows that this pregnancy has been sucky for me, and he knows that I’m sick of work and that I’m stressed out over moving. However, He also knows (and I do too)  that I’m capable of doing better than that and seeing the words of the morning offering reminds me of the promise I made to Him just a few hours ago.

Thankfully, I know Christ doesn’t hold this morning’s failures against me and I can try living out the rest of my day like I had originally intended - without beating myself up or wallowing away in guilt.  He will keep forgiving my shortcomings every day until the day I die, and if I really mess up, I can always go to confession and have the slate wiped clean. How lucky are we that we have a God who loves us so much that He will keep forgiving us regardless of how many sins we commit and how many times we commit them?